The
Grace Jones Interview
[Editor’s Note: We have recently
come upon a once in a lifetime interviewing opportunity that we could not
pass up. Because, you know, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
So, we put aside our articles we haven’t started writing yet and flew to
the Himalayas to interview Grace Jones, the ‘butch butch black chick from
Conan the Barbarian’ and disco diva.]
:
So, you worked with Conan the Barbarian, is Conan cool?
GJ:
Yes, well, Arnold is a very intriguing actor. I remember one time
we were at this fundraiser for children with AIDS and –
:
Who’s Arnold? So if the evil emperor Ming the Merciless were to be
freed from his spinny-mirrored exile-chamber-thing, would you take up arms
with your former comrades and do battle once more?
GJ:
Look, first of all I’m an actress, and you’re mixing up Conan the Barbarian
with Flash Gordon and the end of Superman 2: The Wrath of Khan.
:
Wrath of Khan was actually a Star Trek sequel.
GJ:
So you admit the movies weren’t real.
:
Curse you Grace Jones, the only thing stronger than your iron wit is your
steel vagina! [Editor’s
Note: Grace Jones’ vagina is made entirely of steel.]
GJ:
Stop doing that! Stop it with your [Editor’s Notes]!
:
Don’t change the subject. So were you born with a steel vagina, or
is it an implant? Does it hurt? How does it feel when you touch
yourself?
GJ:
I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m calling the police.
Are you even a real newspaper?
[Editor’s Note: Since we couldn’t
finish the interview while being dragged out by the police, we finished
it by having the girl who was on ‘crack cocaine’ in the holding cell next
to us play Grace Jones.]
:
So, does Flash Gordon dig the whole Steel Vagina thing?
GJ:
Shit, I ain’t knowin whut you sayin, but I’ma gonna tell my baby daddy
and you gonna get cut. This shit ain’t real. I want some real
shit.”
[Editor’s Note: Our new Grace
Jones was unable to continue the interview due to her arraignment, although
she, too, had a steel vagina.]
Grace Jones
with her steel vagina (not pictured). - TS2O!

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