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Weezer Singer Loses Hash Pipe, Tour Cancelled.
by Davin Neffeg

SINGAPORE - After confisication of his hash pipe by officials in the capitol Singapore City,  Weezer lead singer Rivers Cuomo has decided that he doesn't want to finish the Southwest Asian leg of the band's tour.  "Uhhhhh.  I can't face our fans every night and sing songs that lie to them.  The CD we put out was only 29 minutes long,  they already gave us a hard time for that,  I don't want to push it and end up like Green Day".    
         When a reporter from The Singapore Sort-of Weekly asked, "What's Green Day?",  Cuomo replied, "Exactly".   Punishment for possession of drug paraphernaila in Singapore ranges from light caning to lots of caning,  and the singer has lots of money to pay for legal services,  which means absolutely nothing to people in Singapore.  Cuomo challenged officials stating,  "Come on and cane me",  to which Singapore officials replied "ok", or the equivalent to that in Singaporese.  Cuomo's bandmates expressed support in a press release containing "Whoa-ooh-whoa",  and we at The Shaft Sounds Off! are all pretty depressed on how this article has turned out.