| This year's
show aired live on September 6th from the Metropolitan Opera House in New
York City, so MTV could try to make up for their artistic inadequacy.
We wouldn't have it any other way. This year's VMAs were hosted
by Jamie Foxx, who is generally very funny, but sucked something
awful here.
Sticking up for Jamie, we'll relate how hard it would be to host an awards show. Think about how hard it would be doing stand-up comedy. Then think about how hard it would be doing stand-up comedy in a room where most people are more famous than you. Some stand-ups can make it work for them, Billy Crystal and Chris Rock being examples. Others can't, as Jamie Foxx can now attest. But now, if you missed this year's awards, don't fear! You can check it out one of the 47 times MTV will run it over the next year. Or you can look at our picture gallery from it, it pretty much sums it up. |
JAMIE FOXX Sucking as host. Caught in a dead heat right now with Chris Tucker as to who will be the hottest actor to completely pilfer Eddie Murphy's on-screen persona. |
WILL
FERRELL
Shown raving around
like a lunatic and yelling at people.
He interrupted
Foxx's monologue thankfully, re-enacting Rage Against The Machine's bassist
fucking up the show last year. We're hardly ever happier than when
Will Ferrell is saying, "I AM (INSERT ACTION VERB OR ADJECTIVE)!", and
being really weird.
|
ALICIA KEYS That new chick with the braids performed her song "Fallin". Just in case you haven't caught the video on MTV or heard the song everytime you get in the car. She plays the piano and writes all
her own stuff. Finally,
an artist who thinks they're better than us, and probably is.
|
MICK JAGGER
and KID ROCK
Apparently co-winners
of The MTV Ugliest Man to Get Laid By Five Different People-A-Day Award.
They had to
change it to "People" to have Jagger win, so he'd actually come.
Jagger is pictured trying to decide whether Kid Rock is a really ugly woman
he'd like to sleep with, or a really ugly man he'd like to sleep with.
|
N'SYNC and MICHAEL JACKSON Normally a photo with Justin Timberlake pointing at Jacko's crotch with his buddy JC staring in amazement would warrant some remark. However, in honor of Michael actually being in public without an oxygen mask to protect HIM from US, we're feeling tolerant -- welcome back. To Earth. |
|
BACKSTREET
BOYS
The drunk one
is shown here thanking all of us for our support.
Um, you're
welcome. I had the hardest time finding a "I'm Sorry that You're
Using Your Grandma Dying as An Excuse for Being An Alcoholic" Card.
Hey guys, enjoy it, you're only on the way down once.
|
BRITNEY SPEARS When Britney appeared -- handling a snake, around every TV set in America, some guy made a joke about her aptitude in the way of handling such objects. |
STAIND When Staind (with lead singer Aaron Lewis) appeared, around every TV set in America, some guy wondered if that was his uncle. Then somebody else would go, "no, dumbass, that's Fred Durst." |
P-DIDDY
and BEN STILLER
STILLER:
Hey, um, uh, so eh, P'Diddy, um, hehehehe. Hey, whatta, whatta
about, um, uh, sing your new song
for us. Hehehehehehe. (The Ben Stiller "I Watch Too Many Tom Cruise
Movies & Do An Impression of Him
When I'm Not Doing An Impression of Him" Laugh).
P-DIDDY: Video Killed The Radio Star. Uh-huh, yeah. Video Killed The Radio Star. Uh-huh, yeah. Stiller and
P-Diddy yucked it up in one of the cool moments of the night. Ben
gave Puff plenty of friendly ribbing at the VMAs, and was shot after the
show. He
was 35.
|
DESTINY's CHILD BEYONCE: I'd like to thank my dad for making me practice singing until my childhood was ruined -- not unlike a tyrant -- making it possible for me to stand-up here and accept meaningless awards like these. GIRL ON THE RIGHT: I'd like to thank her dad as well, for ruining ALL of our lives -- not unlike a tyrant. And, I'd like to thank Beyonce for not going solo yet and leaving me -- her less-talented, life-long friend -- to a life of complete obscurity. GIRL ON THE LEFT: I'd like to thank both of my fellow singers for not firing me yet... |
TENACIOUS
D
Alright, Cusack's
little buddy from High Fidelity has got a comedy-rock band with Univ. of
Utah basketball coach Rick Majerus. Yes! Just kidding, they're
putting an album out pretty soon, and it should be pretty cool,
'cause these guys are the nuts.
And yes, that
is Jack Black, the guy from High Fidelity. The other one might
be Rick Majerus.
|
MUDVAYNE They may have won the MTV2 Award, which means they're supposed to be hip. I guarantee you in five years, they'll be officially known as "The Guys Who Came Bloody to the VMAs (TM)", and will be an obscure pop-culture reference everytime someone is being witty about the early years of the millenium. They may even be bloody all the time, I don't know, never really heard of them. They look like their songs involve lots of fast, poorly-played guitar and screaming. I think I've just turned old. |
