Best College Humor out there!
is from the famed, be-all, end-all of college humor,
"Why Should I be So Lucky?"
by Matthias G. Pinchot IV
Editor-in-Chief, Harvard Laffpoon '02
The beginning of this very school year is most hectic for me:
Matthias G. Pinchot IV, Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Laffpoon.
As I wonder through the streets, passing the pubs of
Cambridge on a lonely night, dressed down in my Abercrombie and Fitch
ensemble, I'm struck with inquistion. The
question thrusts through my psyche and somewhat bruises my ego to a point.
I feel this question from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet,
which are covered with argyle socks. This very
question is, ďWhy Should I be So Lucky?Ē. I
go to the greatest school in America, which coincidentally is great
because it has been around since the 1600s. Iím Editor-in-Chief of
The Hallmark of
College Humor ô. Upon my graduation, I
will easily land in a writing position at a major American comedy television
show. When I arrive to that level, I will
use my newfound clout to get all of my coke and ecs buddies from college
some jobs like mine. And why shouldnít I? Iíve helped put together
TWO or THREE issues of a humor publication EVERY YEAR Iíve been in school.
Thatís EIGHT to TWELVE in my four years. And Iím going to get a job
when I get out of here, because roughly 4 percent of the Rich White
Males that have written for my magazine have gotten those good jobs and
actually contributed funny ideas after college. But
we all deserve a shot. We go to the Best University
in America ô, and itís not like we couldnít make millions of dollars
doing something else.
Iíve gotten to rub shoulders with celebrities. Every year,
me and my fellow Future Superstars of Humor Writing (TM) honor some obscure
celebrity in a lavishly stupid ceremony that costs enough money to probably
feed the poor people of my city for a couple of weeks. But
thatís okay, we live in a castle that a rich old tycoon built for us.
Better us than the needy. And Of
course, rubbing shoulders with powerful people and celebrities is
nothing new to me. Did I mention that I got this position
at the magazine and into this university because Iím the third cousin of
Balki Bartakomous from TVís Perfect Strangers? Weíre
all pretty impressed.
Now that youíve gotten this far in my article, I assume youíre
wondering why I havenít put anything funny in here so far. Fine,
let me sprinkle in a bunch of Yale references. Hey,
whatís up with Yale? Theyíre stupid, huh? I knew a guy who
went to Yale one time. He was poor, and maybe black.
Ha! That was controversial. Since
we only have one issue to put out this fall, Iíll have to spend most
of my time coming up with a creative prank to pull at this yearís Harvard-Yale
game that Nobody Else in The World cares about. Yale
usually beats us in football because they are a university that is full
of poor, stupid people, who are probably black. I'm
scared of black people because I'm rich, white, and I go to Harvard.
I put Capatilization in Weird Places because I go to harvard.
I just didn't capatilize 'Harvard', that was funny. We
also play with font sizes, because it is witty and shows utmost creativity.
Now that I've fulfilled my quota of Yale references, I'm going to
quit writing, because I'm lazy, and have never worked hard for anything
in my life (and will never have to). Iím Matthias G.
Pinchot IV í02, Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Laffpoon, therefore
everything Iíve ever written (or will write) is funny.
EDITOR'S (MY, THAT'S ME) NOTE: Matthias G. Pinchot
IV '02 is better than you. You can catch his writing two or three
times a year, and he's got connections.