Today's excerpt is from the famed, be-all, end-all of college humor,  
the Harvard Laffpoon....

"Why Should I be So Lucky?"
by Matthias G. Pinchot IV
Editor-in-Chief, Harvard Laffpoon '02

The beginning of this very school year is most hectic for me:  Matthias G. Pinchot IV,  Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Laffpoon.  As I wonder through the streets,  passing the pubs of Cambridge on a lonely night,  dressed down in my Abercrombie and Fitch ensemble,  I'm struck with inquistion.  The question thrusts through my psyche and somewhat bruises my ego to a point.  I feel this question from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet,  which are covered with argyle socks.  This very question is,  “Why Should I be So Lucky?”.  I go to the greatest school in America,  which coincidentally is great because it has been around since the 1600s.  I’m Editor-in-Chief of The Hallmark of 
College Humor ™.   Upon my graduation, I will easily land in a writing position at a major American comedy television show.  When I arrive to that level,  I will use my newfound clout to get all of my coke and ecs buddies from college some jobs like mine.  And why shouldn’t I?  I’ve helped put together TWO or THREE issues of a humor publication EVERY YEAR I’ve been in school.  That’s EIGHT to TWELVE in my four years.  And I’m going to get a job when I get out of here,  because roughly 4 percent of the Rich White Males that have written for my magazine have gotten those good jobs and actually contributed funny ideas after college.  But we all deserve a shot.  We go to the Best University in America ™,  and it’s not like we couldn’t make millions of dollars doing something else. 
I’ve gotten to rub shoulders with celebrities.  Every year,  me and my fellow Future Superstars of Humor Writing (TM) honor some obscure celebrity in a lavishly stupid ceremony that costs enough money to probably feed the poor people of my city for a couple of weeks.   But that’s okay, we live in a castle that a rich old tycoon built for us.  Better us than the needy.  And Of course,  rubbing shoulders with powerful people and celebrities is nothing new to me.  Did I mention that I got this position at the magazine and into this university because I’m the third cousin of Balki Bartakomous from TV’s Perfect Strangers?   We’re all pretty impressed. 
Now that you’ve gotten this far in my article,  I assume you’re wondering why I haven’t put anything funny in here so far.  Fine,  let me sprinkle in a bunch of Yale references.  Hey, what’s up with Yale?  They’re stupid, huh?  I knew a guy who went to Yale one time.  He was poor, and maybe black.  Ha!  That was controversial.  Since we only have one issue to put out this fall,  I’ll have to spend most of my time coming up with a creative prank to pull at this year’s Harvard-Yale game that Nobody Else in The World cares about.  Yale usually beats us in football because they are a university that is full of poor, stupid people, who are probably black.  I'm scared of black people because I'm rich, white, and I go to Harvard.  I put Capatilization in Weird Places because I go to harvard.  I just didn't capatilize 'Harvard',  that was funny.  We also play with font sizes, because it is witty and shows utmost creativity.  Now that I've fulfilled my quota of Yale references,  I'm going to quit writing,  because I'm lazy, and have never worked hard for anything in my life (and will never have to).  I’m Matthias G. Pinchot IV ’02,  Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Laffpoon,  therefore everything I’ve ever written (or will write) is funny.
EDITOR'S (MY, THAT'S ME) NOTE:  Matthias G. Pinchot IV '02 is better than you.  You can catch his writing two or three times a year, and he's got connections.