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The Grace Jones Interview 
[Editorís Note: We have recently come upon a once in a lifetime interviewing opportunity that we could not pass up.  Because, you know, itís a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  So, we put aside our articles we havenít started writing yet and flew to the Himalayas to interview Grace Jones, the Ďbutch butch black chick from Conan the Barbarianí and disco diva.]  

: So, you worked with Conan the Barbarian, is Conan cool?  

GJ: Yes, well, Arnold is a very intriguing actor.  I remember one time we were at this fundraiser for children with AIDS and Ė  

: Whoís Arnold?  So if the evil emperor Ming the Merciless were to be freed from his spinny-mirrored exile-chamber-thing, would you take up arms with your former comrades and do battle once more?  

GJ: Look, first of all Iím an actress, and youíre mixing up Conan the Barbarian with Flash Gordon and the end of Superman 2: The Wrath of Khan.  

: Wrath of Khan was actually a Star Trek sequel.  

GJ: So you admit the movies werenít real.  

: Curse you Grace Jones, the only thing stronger than your iron wit is your steel vagina!  [Editorís Note: Grace Jonesí vagina is made entirely of steel.] 

GJ: Stop doing that!  Stop it with your [Editorís Notes] 

: Donít change the subject.  So were you born with a steel vagina, or is it an implant?  Does it hurt?  How does it feel when you touch yourself?  

GJ: I have no idea what youíre talking about, but Iím calling the police.  Are you even a real newspaper?  
[Editorís Note: Since we couldnít finish the interview while being dragged out by the police, we finished it by having the girl who was on Ďcrack cocaineí in the holding cell next to us play Grace Jones.]  

: So, does Flash Gordon dig the whole Steel Vagina thing?  

GJ: Shit, I ainít knowin whut you sayin, but Iíma gonna tell my baby daddy and you gonna get cut.  This shit ainít real.  I want some real shit.Ē  
[Editorís Note: Our new Grace Jones was unable to continue the interview due to her arraignment, although she, too, had a steel vagina.]  

Grace Jones with her  steel vagina (not pictured). - TS2O!